Studying

I have been using my precious computer time to study. I have been trying to squeeze in as much studying as possible. I am nearing the end and then I will once again become a bloggin-mama. Please bear with me and have patience. Thanks!

When Did She Get So Big?

After school I let Konrad ride his bike up and down our street. Our street is kind of curvy, so, I give him boundaries. Partially so I can see him if I look out my door. Also, because lately his brain has been in another galaxy and if he saw something or someone he likes he would just take off until he no longer knew where he was, kind of like a dog. Only I can't put tags on my son(but he has had his shots). Anyway, after I told him he could ride his bike, the Kirstenator asked if she could ride the scooter. Since she tends to be accident prone I told her,"Yes, as long as you wear a helmet and your knee and elbow pads." Not long after that she came back inside wearing the prescribed attire and asked me "Mom, where are my boundaries?" My initial reaction was to tell her she wasn't allowed to leave my side, ever. In the end I did give her boundaries - She had to stay on the driveway. All of a sudden the driveway seemed really far away and in the middle of a busy intersection. I guess it is just another sign of things to come. Yesterday, I had to register her for Kindergarten. I think, I might just miss her whinyness when she goes to school.

Getting His Money's Worth

So, I have this friend. Well I have more than one and a few of them have children similar in age to mine. This particular friend has a boy the same age as Konman. This friend's boy is a lot like other boys and men and he just can't keep himself from touching that one body part. You know the one that us girls and women don't have. You know that one body part that the boys have to keep grabbing to make sure it is still there. Well, anyway, last weekend Konman's baseball team played this boys team and I had the pleasure of watching the baseball game with my good friend, L. We had a great time watching the game as she kept count of how many times he grabbed his junk. She had made a deal with him that for every time he grabbed his junk he had to pay $.05 and if he went the entire game without doing it she would pay him $.25. When she initially told him about the deal his first response was, "But I don't have that much money." Unfortunately for him, she has started paying him for pulling weeds and now he has a fair amount of money. Atleast he did until after the game. By the end of 1 1/2 innings he was up to $.65. I don't know what the final tally was, but I started to feel bad him and I found myself thinking, " OK, kid if your going to do it, hang on to that puppy and make sure you get your money's worth."

Sneaky Like A Snake

So on Tuesday night my father-in-law shows up at my house. Unannounced! I have been feeling like crap. Therefore my house is trashed. We are talking badly trashed. So he catches my off guard and embarrassed. Here is how things went down.

He says,"Can I have the kids on Saturday Morning and take them out for lunch."
I say,"Konman had a baseball game and has to be home by 12:30pm."
He says,"No Problem."
He then turns to the kids, who are excited about spending time with Opa, and says,"So you kids want to go with me on Saturday and hold up signs?"
The kids in their innocence say,"Oh yeah! We'll get to be with Opa."
I say,"Are you using my children?"
He says, "Yeah, I'm going to have them hold up signs at the blank."(I can't remember what it is called, but it is a political event that decides whose name is on the ballot first)

Call me crazy, but isn't this something he should have asked me about with full disclosure? Before asking me in front of the kids. Keep in mind that anytime he wants to take the kids to hang out with them he asks in the exact same way. I thought he just wanted to spend time with the kids. I am pissed. The more I think about it, the madder I get.

Now I am in a quandry. The kids who have no clue what is going on, and they are excited to hold up signs for Opa(who is not running for anything, except most deceptive grandfather and worst communicator). To make matters worse one on Konman's friends from school who is in his class, on his baseball team, and a close enough friend that they were both at a sleep over last weekend for another friend. Well, this friend's dad is running against the guy Opa is supporting. When I told Opa that Konman was friends with this kid, Opa says,"Well that's to bad." I could have pinched his head off. Now, I am contemplating what to do. I might call it off even though the kids are excited. I feel like the issue needs to be confronted, but I think my husband should do it. Opa is also my husbands boss and he doesn't want to cause trouble with his dad. Nobody stands up to this guy. What to do? What to do? and how to do it nicely?

Help! My Body Is Under Attack!!!

It all started on Saturday night with the bladder infection from hell!!! At 11:30 Saturday night I was peeing blood. We don't have health insurance so I tried all my home remedies and they didn't work. I was finally able to get in and see the doctor Monday afternoon. I got my antibiotics and awaited healing. Tuesday Morning I woke up feeling bad and slept most of the morning. I went in to work at noon and left an hour later with a fever. I had gotten the flu(sore throat, sinus drainage) or something. I had a fever Tuesday night and got my period. Slept most of Wednesday. Was feeling better Thursday so I was able to get some stuff done. I had a fever again last night, but I'm feeling better this morning. I haven't been this sick in a long time. Hopefully, this thing is working it's way out of my body. I wish it would clean my house on it's way out.

Fear Is....

watching your son play catcher and knowing that he isn't wearing a cup. Shoot! We weren't even sure he was wearing underwear. I just kept thinking....one bad bounce and we're in trouble. Oh Lord, please, no foul tips or plays involving a throw home, please. But no worries, as the 2nd generation of family jewels remained untouched. With only a couple close calls. Thank you, Lord!

WARNING: Flatulence Humor

This is a video that most of the men in my family are really relating to. Enjoy!

Toot Tone Watch it now on StupidVideos!

http://www.stupidvideos.com/video/commercials/Toot_Tone/

Adult World, Here I Come!

Tomorrow and Thursday I get to be part of the adult world, lunch breaks and all. I'm a bit nervous and excited. It is all in the name of education. As part of my real estate course I get to spend two full days getting educated, so that I can pass my test. So, I have a babysitter coming over to watch the Kirstenator. For those of you who know Alexander Case, it is actually his sister. Originally she was watching another child and I was going to drop her off at someone elses place. Well, now she is going to be watching her at my house. While this is more convenient it is also more terrifying. There are certain cabinet and closet doors in my house that shouldn't be opened for fear upon your life. Things may looked picked up and somewhat clean on the outside, but once you see the inside you realize that I threw a bunch of different things in a bunch of different places 5 minutes ago. Half the time I don't know what I threw where, until a year later when I find them while throwing more stuff in there because someone else is coming over. I'm telling you it is scary. I'm hoping all goes well during the classes, and that my brain cells show up and function properly like they used to before I had kids.

Crazy Fun

Sorry, I haven't posted in a awhile, but we have been having crazy fun. The crazy fun looks to continue into the rest of this week. Hopefully, Easter will have been our peak day. Who came up with the idea of having children find eggs filled with candy and then going to church? Not the brightest idea or the easiest to accomplish. So, on Easter morning my children snuck downstairs before we knew they were awake and scouted out all the hiding places. That's right they found all of their eggs in less than 13 seconds. I told my Mom about this and she said, "Now, that's just what kids are expected to do. It is all part of the fun." If I would have tried to have that kind of fun when I was a child on Easter I would have at the very least been been lectured at and on thin ice. Funny how things change when it is their grandkids insead of their kids. Anyhow, after we arrived at church there was another easter egg hunt followed by NO CHILDRENS CHURCH. That is right they got them all hopped up on sugar and then didn't have children's church. Of course, instead of having a short sermon it was a 40 min long sermon. At one point in the sermon the preacher felt it necessary to quote Bill Clinton(I did not have sexual relations with that woman.) I'm not sure how this related to Christ's resurrection, but if I hadn't been busy threatening my naughty children who couldn't sit still, I might be able to tell you. Of course, when that quote came out I had managed to get them to sit quietly while facing forward. That is my luck. Crazy Fun Luck!

Overheard Under The Bleachers-

During Konman's baseball game last night the Kirstenator was busy telling some very gullible fellow 5 year-old's that ants eat junk food, like gum and stuff. Also, bees don't have stingers because they don't sting. They only just collect wax for honey. Many other facts, real and pretend, were repeated after they would find something new. You could always tell when they had found something new because you would hear her say "Well, let me tell you about that." Then the other children would all lean in to hear the great and wise Kirstenator and her vast knowledge. Those poor parents, I hope they all deprogrammed their children when they got home or before their children get stung by a bee.

Why? Oh Why?

Why am I the only one in this house who flushes the toilet after pooping? It never fails at least once a day I go to use the toilet and there is a big ol' turd in the toilet. Keep in mind that I have a small bladder that usually has me running to the bathroom and barely making it in time. Do they think they are leaving me a gift? Are they trying to prove that you don't digest corn? Are they showing me that they are regular and unconstipated? Do they think that they are the only one in this world who can poop and they are anxious to show off their talents? Is there a secret competition going on in this house to see who has the biggest and the best poops? Because if that is the case, once they have judged the specimen they are free to flush it. Maybe I am the judge and I don't even know it! Well, that is one competition that I refuse to judge. Call me anal! (LOL)

Hopefully, the strong reminders and encouragement they are getting from me will clear this up, toilet water and all.

SEARS SUCKS!!!

Except for Anne the shoe lady! She is awesome! The rest of 'em all suck!

So last night, my daughter was crying, crying , and crying. She wouldn't/couldn't go to sleep because she was unable to find Geoffrey, the incredible talking giraffe(However, if Geoffrey lives with you, you will not find his talking ability very incredible. And you will find yourself wondering after hearing him repeat his 8 phrases 80 times "At what point in Satan's career did he come up with this one? And where did he find the time between Barney and Chuck-e-Cheese?"). Anyhow, at 11:00 last night, after looking everywhere including the van, backyard, and trash can(Hey, you never know, maybe he talked me into hiding him there.). I came to the realization that I didn't remember seeing him since we had been in Sears. So, at 10:05 this morning I called them to see if they had found a giraffe. Their message said they were closed and didn't open until 10:00 am. So, I called again about 10:30. In order to talk to someone you have to talk to an employee in the corporate office who will then transfer you to your local store. After getting transfered to my local store, they put me on hold for so long that I got sent back to the corporate office. I finally got someone who said they would look for a stuffed giraffe about 2 feet tall in the children's or shoe section and call me back. 3 hours later....I still hadn't gotten a call back. So, I headed over there and went straight to the children's department, they hadn't seen it. I then headed over to shoes, where I found Anne the shoe lady who had helped me last time. She immediately recognized us, she had found Kirsten's giraffe and put it in a safe place. She said, "I knew it was special and you would be back." Thank you, Anne!!!

While in the shoe department I found a pair of shoes on clearance for Kirsten. So I headed to the counter to pay for them. They didn't ring up right, and Rose(who needs to retire) couldn't get past that fact. I could tell by looking, that they were in a box stating the wrong color and that someone had wrote the correct product code on the box, to help who ever rang up the item. Rose could not comprehend this, even after a sales person showed her twice and I offered to go and get one of the other boxes of the same shoes that were just a different size. After waiting for a few minutes and seeing that Rose wasn't going to get over this anytime soon. I decided to go to another check stand, where they were able to check me out promptly. Rose was still trying to explain that it was ringing up wrong in the computer to another saleslady as I was walking out the door.

After all that, hopefully there will be nothing but sweet dreams tonight!!!

I Never Thought I Would Feel This Way About Sears!

They are The Bomb!(every once in awhile I have to use this phrase from Alex. Mostly so that I can tell him that I used his phrase on my blog.) On December 24th, we bought Konman a new pair of tennis shoes. His other ones stunk so bad you couldn't be in the same room as him. About 3 weeks ago, after only having his shoes for 3 months and wearing them everyday, his insole fell out. Upon further inspection I realized that there was no tread left on parts of the sole and he had completly worn off the the rubber part of the sole that covers your toes. When I bought this pair of shoes I found out that they were part of the KidVantage program at Sears. So yesterday, I found the receipt and went to Sears. I was really nervous on how they were going to handle everything. Once we got there I was even more nervous when I couldn't find shoes similiar to his. When I asked the clerk what to do, she said,"Since we don't have anything comparable, We'll give you your money back." That's right! I got my money back and I was able to buy some Lands End shoes that were on clearance. So basically my son got a new pair of shoes for free. I have recently started buying his jeans there, as well. They definitly wear better than most jeans and if they get a hole in the knee or frayed on the bottoms I can get a new pair of jeans in the same size. This is a major thing for us moms of active 7 year-olds. He has already went throught 5 pairs of jeans, since school has started. Now let's all sing Homer Simpson's song together.

"I am so smart"
"I am so smart"
"S-M-R-T"
"I am so smart"

On a sad note, when I told Konman that we were going to the mall to get him some new shoes and baseball cleats. He said,"Can you just take me home? I don't want to go shopping. I want to play outside." My heart is very sad. I told him that I needed his foot to make sure that the shoes fit good. If he could have figured out a way to cut off his own foot so that I could take it with me instead of him, he would have done it in a heart beat. He wasn't a very nice shoe shopper either. I figured since we were buying him shoes that he could atleast acted interested and happy. I'm just so sad. He was my easy going, less talkative shopping companion.

If My Husband Wrote Love Songs....

they would be like this. I stole this from The Bees Knees (http://gingerbeethebusybee.blogspot.com/). In fact, she dedicated it to me. Well, kinda, she dedicated it to all video game widows. Enjoy!

Tripod

Watch Video

Times Infinity and Beyond

On the way home last night, after putting it off all day, I had to decide what to do for dinner. So I decided to pick up a couple pizzas from a take and bake pizza place. I love these pizzas, except for the fact that you can only cook one at a time. This is a problem because Konman and Kurt like the ham and pineapple pizza and the Kirstenator and I like pepperoni(even though she picks off the pepperoni and she refuses to eat cheese pizza.) So in order to decide which pizza to cook first we had to figure out who was the most hungry. Only Konman and I were in the van, so it was up to us to decide.

Konman "I am hungry the size of an elephant"
Me "Well, I am hungry the size of a dumptruck"(I figured I could afford to play with him a bit. Winning this would be like a walk in the park.)
K-"I am hungry the size of an elephant times infinity"
M-"I am hungry the size of a dumptruck times infinity"(Oh Yeah, My pizza is going in the oven first.)
K-"Well, I am hungry the size of God times infinity, cause God is bigger than everything!"

Let's just say that I exercised great patience while waiting for my pizza to come out of the oven, while Kurt and Konrad were eating their pizza, and I was super hungry! But do not fear I will be ready for him next time and I will come out victorious!

Also, whenever Konman plays this game with the Kirstenator it is hillarious. She doesn't quite understand how it works or the correct word to use, but she wants to get the jump on him so she will say, "Oh yeah, well, I like it to levidity." I guess this means she likes it to death? I don't know. I do know that she is supposed to be in bed and asleep when I am watching CSI.

??? Changed Man ???

For those of you who don't know, my parents are divorced, just like most of yours. It was a bitter and messy divorce, from which I have gained many stories. So, here is the cliff note version of another story I get to add to my collection. Here is what happened to me this weekend...

After having a very frustrating conversation on the phone with my biological father, who from this point forward I will call Rick. My husband *69's him, to ask him to leave me alone. He got stuck on the phone with Rick. After talking in circles for awhile, (once Rick gets cornered he changes the subject, after continually getting cornered he starts back with the first subject.) my husband was able to gain some information about Rick, from Rick's perspective. He doesn't have a drinking problem, though, he will daily have a glass of wine with his meals (one has to wonder how many meals he has a day); and his doctors say it is OK to drink some alcohol while on his prescription medications. It(the divorce) all happened because he was a work-a-holic and, because of that, he was doing maneuvers for the government, during the weekends, for free. That's straight from the horse's mouth(ass). But don't worry, even thought he was drunk a lot back then, he assured my husband that he wasn't packing heat(carrying a gun) on those maneuvers. Oh, and he did admit to having sex with another woman while still married to and living with my Mom, but he did not have an affair. So I think I can gather a couple things from this conversation:

1. He is "certifiably" mental and should be in the looney bin.
2. Consistent drinking in abundance for years is good for your mind and body.
3. Alcohol and prescription medication is always a good mix.
4. He is getting ready to make a run for a political office.

I'm thinking it could be #4. I'm telling you all the ingredients are there.

Are You What Your T-shirt Says You Are?

Well, I am! And I think we all should be, or why else would you wear it. One of my favorite shirts says soccer mom and my most recent one says carrot top. You will never see me wearing a shirt that says "princess" (this is a term I find derogitory) or "hooker"! So why would I buy one for my children? I am not going to buy my 5 year-old daughter a shirt that says "angel" or "princess", both of these would be lies(especially "angel") and things I don't want her to become. However, I love her shirts that say "boys are icky" and "love=like+like". On the same account, while shopping in Ross today there was a shirt in my 7 year-old boys size that said "PIMP". Now, imagine that you are in this marketing meeting and someone throws out the idea that putting this word on a t-shirt is a great idea and that parents would love to buy this item for their children to wear around in public. I'm guessing at this meeting, there was some smoking, snorting, and excessive drinking of items not found at Wal-Mart, in order for this idea to make it through to production. Who in their right mind would by a t-shirt for a 7 year-old (that they like and whose family they like and would like to be friends with) this t-shirt? Kon-man does have a t-shirt, that I love, that says "I do all my own stunts" and this is a very true statement. That being said, just because the saying is true doesn't mean one should wear it on their shirt or else I would be walking around with a shirt that says "Overweight mom - drinks to much coffee, is short on patience, and thanks to having kids has trouble holding her bladder" Now, there is a t-shirt that could make some money! Warning: you must be high and/or drunk to see the potential of this t-shirt.

Craazy! Crraaazzzy! I tell you!

It has been a crazy couple of weeks and I can't tell you why. I can tell you I have been busy, but I don't know what I've been doing. Well, that's not totally true. I can tell you in general terms what I have been up to, just not the specifics. So here they are...

• I visited my grandparents for a couple of days. I had a great visit, but it was sad to see how much they have aged and how much they were concered about accomplishing normal everyday activities because of how they felt. My Grandad was concerned about how he would do on a 1/2 mile hike. This wouldn't be a big thing except for the fact that a few years ago he could beat me at a 50 yard dash-forward and backwards(I'm kind of embarassed to admit it. I was even trying to win.)
• Prior to my visit with my grandparents was Spring Break, a.k.a. referee training, the kids were full of energy and the weather was awful so they couldn't play outside. I would be an awful homeschooling parent.
• The week after our spring break was my Mom's spring break. So she came to visit for a few days.
• While at my grandparent's house, my grandma taught me how to knit. I'm just learning and I'm slow as Molasses. I did start on a scarf. It took me a 1/2 hour to do 5 rows using super thick yarn and the scarf isn't that wide. It's sad, but this is something I want to learn, partly, so that I can say that my Grandmother taught me. I think that is a cool legacy for her. I hope I can do her proud, but if I don't get much better I might have to quit claiming it. For her sake if nothing else. This lady can knit and quilt like no other. She knits sweaters for children in russia. She's awesome.
• I've been taking Konrad out and throwing the ball with him. Baseball will start soon, so we have been practicing at home. This has been a huge test of my patience. I don't get to throw hard, he doesn't throw very hard or accurate, and he moves out of the way of the ball so half the time he misses. When I get really frustrated I have to resist the urge to nail him with the ball just to prove to him that it doesn't hurt that bad and you live. Yesterday, the ball bounced out of his mitt and hit his head. You would have thought he was dying the way he cried, but alas after further inspection there wasn't even a bump. I mean I don't even throw it hard enough to hurt a mosquito.

Well, there you have it a recap of the last two weeks. Sorry, it's not that exciting.

On The Road, Again!!!

It's spring break and I'm hitting the road, again. I'm heading over to eastern Colorado, to visit my Grandparents. At my sister's wedding, Grandma told me that they are thinking of selling the ranch and moving. My grandparents have lived in their current house since my mom was 6, which is more than 45 years(give or take a few years to protect my mom's age). Boy! am I a nice daughter, or what? Trust me, I'm darn nice. Every time I go, the kids and I have a lot of fun. The kids can run around all over the place and get all their energy out. They can be as loud as they want to be and nothing will be bothered by them, except the cows, birds, wild rabbits, antelope, and the coyotes in the distance. It is great! Also, they are calving so we should get to see a few brand new baby calfs. Veal is always so cute! Just kidding! **Warning tangent ahead** I only ate veal once and I didn't know what it was. Until I found out what I had eaten, I was thinking,"Man, this tastes really good. I wonder what it is?(because nobody at my table knew.)" I almost threw up when I found out. I kept picturing a baby calf. So, I also felt guilty for enjoying it. On a tangent side note, I was watching King Of The Hill the other night, the family was visiting a ranch and eating steak for dinner and Bobby asked,"I wonder if cows know how good they taste?" I love that show. Kurt and I kind of resemble Hank and Peggy Hill, except Kurt does not have a narrow urethra. We aren't even going to touch Kurt's buddies or his father(let's just say some of the similarities are eerie), but until a couple of weeks ago we had some asian neighbors. That's right we are a couple of rednecks. In fact, my family tends to name their vehicles and I have often thought of naming my minivan Peggy and Kurt's truck Hank. What do you think? ** End of tangent** OK, Ok, OK, I'm getting back on track, thanks for sticking with me. Anyhow, I am really looking forward to this trip and I am hoping to get some good pictures to help me remember my grandparents place. I have a lot of good memories there. When I was a child, once I turned 4, I would visit for a couple of weeks by myself every year. I loved those times and, as an adult, I have tried to visit every year. I am, also, looking forward to visiting with my Grandparents and to have them to myself for a couple of days. I'll let you know all about my trip when I get back. I'm praying for a safe trip with roads that are clear, snow free, and ice free.

What About A Bob???

We cut Kirsten's hair and in her words,... "Who cares? Anyways... I like it because I don't have bangs anymore(When we sweep them to the side) and it is sooo moveable when I move my head.

And in my words, it looks a lot healthier and cuter. It is actually pretty easy to do, which was a great fear of mine. Best of all, she likes it and can't quit moving her head back and forth to feel her hair move. If any of you should she her, please, don't mention that she has bangs. They are finally looking good for the first time since she cut them to her scalp a year ago. She thinks that when we sweep her bangs to the side that she doesn't have bangs. She has seen herself and still thinks this. Honestly, I don't care what she thinks as long as she leaves her bangs alone.

I think we are going to try to grow her bangs out. I know, Mom, you think she looks so much cuter with bangs. Part of me agrees, however, seeing has she has spent a fair amount of time this year trying to either trim them herself or cut them completly off. And she keeps finding the scissors no matter how well I hide them. I think she gets to decide and she has stated that she doesn't want bangs anymore. So....in my Mom's words, "End of Discussion!"