Stolen! But very funny, especially #12

I stole this from Wannabe Hippie's blog. I couldn't resist myself. It is just too funny. I'm kind of like the Kirstenator at JUCO. This girl walked by her with a big ol' thing of cotton candy and she just reached out and grabbed a bite. When I asked her why she did it she said, "I couldn't control my fingers. I just have so much trouble getting under control." I totally knew what she meant, I myself had been resisting the urge. It just looked so good!

Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year's winners.....
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

Chapter 2

I know, I'm late getting this out once again. I hope this doesn't become a habit. Things have been a bit crazier for me than usual. I started reading some of the girls comments and then I didn't want them to change my thoughts so I quit reading the girls thoughts until I could get mine out here. Although I did read enough to figure out that this was a fairly controversial chapter. While I didn't enjoy this chapter as much as I had hoped. I did love the idea of creation being made into a musical. What an awesome idea. I found myself picturing it as if I was sitting in the theatre watching it. Also, I have embraced the fact that I and all women are desperately needed to support our men in many different ways. I needed to be reminded that I was created in God's image, not the world's image or the perfect christian wife/mother image either. I find myself trying to fit into those last two images instead of embracing God's image for me. Sorry, it is short and to the point and I probably should have elaborated a bit more. Hopefully, I will do better next week.

Bible study

I just started doing this bible study online. I love the concept and I am really interested doing this study with women from all over America. Some of these women are published writers, which is a bit intimidating. I don't know what I expected, but even though we are all different, we still all have a lot that is the same. It's pretty cool. This week we did Chapter 1 of the book Captivating. I thought it was going to be a pretty mild post like "Yeah, I'm a woman and I agree." Well, I kind of got blindsided. Here's the part of my post I'm willing to share with the world.


A few years back it was brought to my attention, by a wise woman, that not every Christian woman was made to fit into the exact same mold. That there are different needs within each relationship, and that each marriage, church, and each relationship have different needs. I thought I had taken that advice to heart. I thought I was trying to figure out where God wanted me and what he wanted me to do. After reading this chapter I realized that I wasn’t really doing that, because I wasn’t guarding my heart. They quoted Proverbs 4:23, “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” In fact, I would say I have put my heart out there and it has gotten a good beating. I have been putting my heart in others expectations of me and not in God. God created me in his own image and as long as I’m striving to perfect his image he will protect my heart. This is going to be one of those things “easier said than done”.

I guess I'm a bit disappointed in myself. Just this week I got into a fight with woman at church. The fight was over parenting styles. I stood up for myself and I put my heart out there. Unfortunately, My heart was so raw that I let my emotions and temper get the best of me. I know my husband and I are parenting the way God wants us to and instead of standing firm on that, I let her expectations of me hurt me and I found myself busy worrying about what others thought of me.

The Red-Neck Wedding

First off, I have to let you know that I have been anxiously awaiting having the time to post about this event. Just thinking about it makes me laugh and then I sober up when I realize that I'm just as red-necked as the rest of them, since the bride was my cousin. Lets see... Where should I start? I guess at the beginning.

Well, I knew it was going to be a different experience, when I walked into the rehearsal(The Kirstenator was the flower girl) and the bride who is 2 months pregnant was drinking a beer. That thought just kept getting confirmed as time went on. The Best man was missing a tooth and another groomsmen had a glass eye. As the guests were arriving for the wedding I noticed that atleast one brought his own 12 pack and it wasn't like he had discriminating tastes, it was Busch. As the grandparents were seated and the bridesmaids walked in they didn't play any music, therefore everyone just kept talking as if nothing was going happening(my aunt compared it to being in an auction house). Then came the time for the bride to come down the aisle, the photographer had to change to a new roll of film so she told the bride and her father to wait while everyone stared at them(atleast the ones who weren't still talking). Then finally they could walk down the aisle, so they cued the guy with the boom box in the back of the room to start the music. Unfortunately, he accidentally played the first 8 notes of "I walk the line" Also, unfortunately, my great aunt recognized the song and said rather loudly, "That was I walk the line." Tell me how does the "Wedding March" and "I Walk the Line' get put on the same CD? They said their vows in about 3 minutes flat and then it was time for the maid of honor, my other cousin, to sing her song. I don't know if it was a mistake or what, but the guy with the boom box played the CD with the words on it. Well, anyhow, my cousin just sang along with the CD. Atleast, I think she was. I was sitting three rows from the front and to me it looked like she was lip syncing, but she was definitely feeling the music. Whatever was going on, I couldn't hear her singing, and when the song ended everyone clapped for her. It was so bizarre. Have you ever been to a wedding where they clapped for the music? It was a first for me. So now we can move onto the reception. It was hard to keep a straight face as my grandma commented on how well my cousin sang. Needless to say, that by this time I was starting to get the giggles and everywhere I turned it just kept getting harder to resist. It could have been the fact that the three kegs of beer were gone before the cake was cut. There were around 80 guests and 20 of them were my family and ultra conservative. My family accounted for about 5 cups of beer. Therefore, that leaves you with 60 people devouring 3 kegs of beer. Now in their defense there was no other beverage offered to drink except champagne. To top it all off, guess what they served us to eat? Just guess?..... Now, I know atleast one of you guessed correctly and you were right, Manwhich on stale buns. It was a feast fit for kings, complete with pork and beans. That's like one of my husbands favorite meals and when I fix it the kids don't even want to eat it. My uncle had to order pizza because there wasn't any Manwhich left by the time he went through the buffet. I guess you call it a buffet, I don't know? As a finale to the evening my ultra conservative aunt was offered a bowl to smoke by some guy who to quote him, "Dude I just smoked two bowls and I'm drunk." To which she says,"I don't even know what a bowl is!"

Yes, a fun time was had by all! Atleast all with a sense of humor. Well, I had a good time!

I've Returned....

From my life of studying and it was worth every bit of it. I passed my test, on my first try! Yeah, for me! So now I'm in the midst of figuring out who I want to work for. I'm praying that God will guide me to the right brokerage. I guess you could say that I'm excited and nervous to see what the future brings. I hope it is full of blessings!