The Red-Neck Wedding

First off, I have to let you know that I have been anxiously awaiting having the time to post about this event. Just thinking about it makes me laugh and then I sober up when I realize that I'm just as red-necked as the rest of them, since the bride was my cousin. Lets see... Where should I start? I guess at the beginning.

Well, I knew it was going to be a different experience, when I walked into the rehearsal(The Kirstenator was the flower girl) and the bride who is 2 months pregnant was drinking a beer. That thought just kept getting confirmed as time went on. The Best man was missing a tooth and another groomsmen had a glass eye. As the guests were arriving for the wedding I noticed that atleast one brought his own 12 pack and it wasn't like he had discriminating tastes, it was Busch. As the grandparents were seated and the bridesmaids walked in they didn't play any music, therefore everyone just kept talking as if nothing was going happening(my aunt compared it to being in an auction house). Then came the time for the bride to come down the aisle, the photographer had to change to a new roll of film so she told the bride and her father to wait while everyone stared at them(atleast the ones who weren't still talking). Then finally they could walk down the aisle, so they cued the guy with the boom box in the back of the room to start the music. Unfortunately, he accidentally played the first 8 notes of "I walk the line" Also, unfortunately, my great aunt recognized the song and said rather loudly, "That was I walk the line." Tell me how does the "Wedding March" and "I Walk the Line' get put on the same CD? They said their vows in about 3 minutes flat and then it was time for the maid of honor, my other cousin, to sing her song. I don't know if it was a mistake or what, but the guy with the boom box played the CD with the words on it. Well, anyhow, my cousin just sang along with the CD. Atleast, I think she was. I was sitting three rows from the front and to me it looked like she was lip syncing, but she was definitely feeling the music. Whatever was going on, I couldn't hear her singing, and when the song ended everyone clapped for her. It was so bizarre. Have you ever been to a wedding where they clapped for the music? It was a first for me. So now we can move onto the reception. It was hard to keep a straight face as my grandma commented on how well my cousin sang. Needless to say, that by this time I was starting to get the giggles and everywhere I turned it just kept getting harder to resist. It could have been the fact that the three kegs of beer were gone before the cake was cut. There were around 80 guests and 20 of them were my family and ultra conservative. My family accounted for about 5 cups of beer. Therefore, that leaves you with 60 people devouring 3 kegs of beer. Now in their defense there was no other beverage offered to drink except champagne. To top it all off, guess what they served us to eat? Just guess?..... Now, I know atleast one of you guessed correctly and you were right, Manwhich on stale buns. It was a feast fit for kings, complete with pork and beans. That's like one of my husbands favorite meals and when I fix it the kids don't even want to eat it. My uncle had to order pizza because there wasn't any Manwhich left by the time he went through the buffet. I guess you call it a buffet, I don't know? As a finale to the evening my ultra conservative aunt was offered a bowl to smoke by some guy who to quote him, "Dude I just smoked two bowls and I'm drunk." To which she says,"I don't even know what a bowl is!"

Yes, a fun time was had by all! Atleast all with a sense of humor. Well, I had a good time!