If My Husband Wrote Love Songs....

they would be like this. I stole this from The Bees Knees (http://gingerbeethebusybee.blogspot.com/). In fact, she dedicated it to me. Well, kinda, she dedicated it to all video game widows. Enjoy!

Tripod

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Times Infinity and Beyond

On the way home last night, after putting it off all day, I had to decide what to do for dinner. So I decided to pick up a couple pizzas from a take and bake pizza place. I love these pizzas, except for the fact that you can only cook one at a time. This is a problem because Konman and Kurt like the ham and pineapple pizza and the Kirstenator and I like pepperoni(even though she picks off the pepperoni and she refuses to eat cheese pizza.) So in order to decide which pizza to cook first we had to figure out who was the most hungry. Only Konman and I were in the van, so it was up to us to decide.

Konman "I am hungry the size of an elephant"
Me "Well, I am hungry the size of a dumptruck"(I figured I could afford to play with him a bit. Winning this would be like a walk in the park.)
K-"I am hungry the size of an elephant times infinity"
M-"I am hungry the size of a dumptruck times infinity"(Oh Yeah, My pizza is going in the oven first.)
K-"Well, I am hungry the size of God times infinity, cause God is bigger than everything!"

Let's just say that I exercised great patience while waiting for my pizza to come out of the oven, while Kurt and Konrad were eating their pizza, and I was super hungry! But do not fear I will be ready for him next time and I will come out victorious!

Also, whenever Konman plays this game with the Kirstenator it is hillarious. She doesn't quite understand how it works or the correct word to use, but she wants to get the jump on him so she will say, "Oh yeah, well, I like it to levidity." I guess this means she likes it to death? I don't know. I do know that she is supposed to be in bed and asleep when I am watching CSI.

??? Changed Man ???

For those of you who don't know, my parents are divorced, just like most of yours. It was a bitter and messy divorce, from which I have gained many stories. So, here is the cliff note version of another story I get to add to my collection. Here is what happened to me this weekend...

After having a very frustrating conversation on the phone with my biological father, who from this point forward I will call Rick. My husband *69's him, to ask him to leave me alone. He got stuck on the phone with Rick. After talking in circles for awhile, (once Rick gets cornered he changes the subject, after continually getting cornered he starts back with the first subject.) my husband was able to gain some information about Rick, from Rick's perspective. He doesn't have a drinking problem, though, he will daily have a glass of wine with his meals (one has to wonder how many meals he has a day); and his doctors say it is OK to drink some alcohol while on his prescription medications. It(the divorce) all happened because he was a work-a-holic and, because of that, he was doing maneuvers for the government, during the weekends, for free. That's straight from the horse's mouth(ass). But don't worry, even thought he was drunk a lot back then, he assured my husband that he wasn't packing heat(carrying a gun) on those maneuvers. Oh, and he did admit to having sex with another woman while still married to and living with my Mom, but he did not have an affair. So I think I can gather a couple things from this conversation:

1. He is "certifiably" mental and should be in the looney bin.
2. Consistent drinking in abundance for years is good for your mind and body.
3. Alcohol and prescription medication is always a good mix.
4. He is getting ready to make a run for a political office.

I'm thinking it could be #4. I'm telling you all the ingredients are there.

Are You What Your T-shirt Says You Are?

Well, I am! And I think we all should be, or why else would you wear it. One of my favorite shirts says soccer mom and my most recent one says carrot top. You will never see me wearing a shirt that says "princess" (this is a term I find derogitory) or "hooker"! So why would I buy one for my children? I am not going to buy my 5 year-old daughter a shirt that says "angel" or "princess", both of these would be lies(especially "angel") and things I don't want her to become. However, I love her shirts that say "boys are icky" and "love=like+like". On the same account, while shopping in Ross today there was a shirt in my 7 year-old boys size that said "PIMP". Now, imagine that you are in this marketing meeting and someone throws out the idea that putting this word on a t-shirt is a great idea and that parents would love to buy this item for their children to wear around in public. I'm guessing at this meeting, there was some smoking, snorting, and excessive drinking of items not found at Wal-Mart, in order for this idea to make it through to production. Who in their right mind would by a t-shirt for a 7 year-old (that they like and whose family they like and would like to be friends with) this t-shirt? Kon-man does have a t-shirt, that I love, that says "I do all my own stunts" and this is a very true statement. That being said, just because the saying is true doesn't mean one should wear it on their shirt or else I would be walking around with a shirt that says "Overweight mom - drinks to much coffee, is short on patience, and thanks to having kids has trouble holding her bladder" Now, there is a t-shirt that could make some money! Warning: you must be high and/or drunk to see the potential of this t-shirt.

Craazy! Crraaazzzy! I tell you!

It has been a crazy couple of weeks and I can't tell you why. I can tell you I have been busy, but I don't know what I've been doing. Well, that's not totally true. I can tell you in general terms what I have been up to, just not the specifics. So here they are...

• I visited my grandparents for a couple of days. I had a great visit, but it was sad to see how much they have aged and how much they were concered about accomplishing normal everyday activities because of how they felt. My Grandad was concerned about how he would do on a 1/2 mile hike. This wouldn't be a big thing except for the fact that a few years ago he could beat me at a 50 yard dash-forward and backwards(I'm kind of embarassed to admit it. I was even trying to win.)
• Prior to my visit with my grandparents was Spring Break, a.k.a. referee training, the kids were full of energy and the weather was awful so they couldn't play outside. I would be an awful homeschooling parent.
• The week after our spring break was my Mom's spring break. So she came to visit for a few days.
• While at my grandparent's house, my grandma taught me how to knit. I'm just learning and I'm slow as Molasses. I did start on a scarf. It took me a 1/2 hour to do 5 rows using super thick yarn and the scarf isn't that wide. It's sad, but this is something I want to learn, partly, so that I can say that my Grandmother taught me. I think that is a cool legacy for her. I hope I can do her proud, but if I don't get much better I might have to quit claiming it. For her sake if nothing else. This lady can knit and quilt like no other. She knits sweaters for children in russia. She's awesome.
• I've been taking Konrad out and throwing the ball with him. Baseball will start soon, so we have been practicing at home. This has been a huge test of my patience. I don't get to throw hard, he doesn't throw very hard or accurate, and he moves out of the way of the ball so half the time he misses. When I get really frustrated I have to resist the urge to nail him with the ball just to prove to him that it doesn't hurt that bad and you live. Yesterday, the ball bounced out of his mitt and hit his head. You would have thought he was dying the way he cried, but alas after further inspection there wasn't even a bump. I mean I don't even throw it hard enough to hurt a mosquito.

Well, there you have it a recap of the last two weeks. Sorry, it's not that exciting.

On The Road, Again!!!

It's spring break and I'm hitting the road, again. I'm heading over to eastern Colorado, to visit my Grandparents. At my sister's wedding, Grandma told me that they are thinking of selling the ranch and moving. My grandparents have lived in their current house since my mom was 6, which is more than 45 years(give or take a few years to protect my mom's age). Boy! am I a nice daughter, or what? Trust me, I'm darn nice. Every time I go, the kids and I have a lot of fun. The kids can run around all over the place and get all their energy out. They can be as loud as they want to be and nothing will be bothered by them, except the cows, birds, wild rabbits, antelope, and the coyotes in the distance. It is great! Also, they are calving so we should get to see a few brand new baby calfs. Veal is always so cute! Just kidding! **Warning tangent ahead** I only ate veal once and I didn't know what it was. Until I found out what I had eaten, I was thinking,"Man, this tastes really good. I wonder what it is?(because nobody at my table knew.)" I almost threw up when I found out. I kept picturing a baby calf. So, I also felt guilty for enjoying it. On a tangent side note, I was watching King Of The Hill the other night, the family was visiting a ranch and eating steak for dinner and Bobby asked,"I wonder if cows know how good they taste?" I love that show. Kurt and I kind of resemble Hank and Peggy Hill, except Kurt does not have a narrow urethra. We aren't even going to touch Kurt's buddies or his father(let's just say some of the similarities are eerie), but until a couple of weeks ago we had some asian neighbors. That's right we are a couple of rednecks. In fact, my family tends to name their vehicles and I have often thought of naming my minivan Peggy and Kurt's truck Hank. What do you think? ** End of tangent** OK, Ok, OK, I'm getting back on track, thanks for sticking with me. Anyhow, I am really looking forward to this trip and I am hoping to get some good pictures to help me remember my grandparents place. I have a lot of good memories there. When I was a child, once I turned 4, I would visit for a couple of weeks by myself every year. I loved those times and, as an adult, I have tried to visit every year. I am, also, looking forward to visiting with my Grandparents and to have them to myself for a couple of days. I'll let you know all about my trip when I get back. I'm praying for a safe trip with roads that are clear, snow free, and ice free.

What About A Bob???

We cut Kirsten's hair and in her words,... "Who cares? Anyways... I like it because I don't have bangs anymore(When we sweep them to the side) and it is sooo moveable when I move my head.

And in my words, it looks a lot healthier and cuter. It is actually pretty easy to do, which was a great fear of mine. Best of all, she likes it and can't quit moving her head back and forth to feel her hair move. If any of you should she her, please, don't mention that she has bangs. They are finally looking good for the first time since she cut them to her scalp a year ago. She thinks that when we sweep her bangs to the side that she doesn't have bangs. She has seen herself and still thinks this. Honestly, I don't care what she thinks as long as she leaves her bangs alone.

I think we are going to try to grow her bangs out. I know, Mom, you think she looks so much cuter with bangs. Part of me agrees, however, seeing has she has spent a fair amount of time this year trying to either trim them herself or cut them completly off. And she keeps finding the scissors no matter how well I hide them. I think she gets to decide and she has stated that she doesn't want bangs anymore. So....in my Mom's words, "End of Discussion!"

I Fell Into Sin....

I overheard my daughter singing the following song to the tune of "A Spoon Full of Sugar" from the Mary Poppins soundtrack.

I fell into sin,
I fell into sin,
I fell into sin,
In the most delightful ways.

Isn't that how it usually happens?
Such wisdom from 5 year old.

It Went Off With A Hitch!!!

The wedding went off beautifully. Except for the guy who entered the sanctuary via a side door on the stage during the wedding. He had to have known there was a wedding going on. We had been setting up most of the day Thursday, all day Friday, and all day Saturday before the big event. That, and he probably had to park a mile away just to get to the building. Atleast he was quiet, quickly shut the door, and got out of there. Since nothing ever goes as expected here are a few other things that threw us for a loop, but it all worked out in the end. Most of these things were either corrected or not even noticable to most people. The tuxedos didn't come in an had to be overnighted to get there in time, my sisters dress lining never got sewn, it was still pinned in place, we got the linens a day late(but you can't really complain about it, when your brother-in-law gets you a screaming deal), and they sent us brand new chair covers that were still in the packaging and wrinkled. The company that handled the chair covers gave us(and by us, I mean Brenda) a discount on the price. The most ironic thing was the bridal shop, where she bought her dress and rented the tux's from, did exactly what she had warned other brides to be weary of in that shop. My sister used to work for another bridal shop in town, and if they would have had the dress she wanted she would have went through them.

That being said, it was a beautiful wedding and most people didn't have a clue any of this had happened. Brenda looked breathtakingly wonderful throughout the evening and her dress was gorgeous and not just anybody could have pulled that dress off. The flowers were awesome and look amazing. The food was delicious and according to the men, having wait staff walking around and serving appetizers to you made the wedding, that and the open bar. Isn't that like every man's dream come true, being served food wherever they happen to be. Well, I've used up all my adjectives for the day. I'll try to post some pictures tomorrow.