I Thought This Was Funny!

I was going through my receipts from Christmas and I came across this one. I had bought a pair of jeans for Konrad and a pair of underwear for Kirsten. You have to read the descriptions for each item. Is MDS an abbreviation for merchandise? That would make the underwear-bikini, ass merchandise. I thought this was hillarious and it gave me a chuckle every time I thought about it. Enjoy!

Don't get into a tizzy because I bought my daughter bikini underwear. First off, on her the bikini cut still fits like briefs, the girl has no butt. Second off, I had trouble finding underwear for little girls that wasn't bikini cut. Trust me, this 'ol prude looked and compared to my other options these were a good choice.

Christmas Has Come and Gone

and now I'm sick. You gotta love life. I've been taking my Echinacea and Goldenroot, so hopefully I will curb this illness.

Christmas Eve and Christmas Day was busy. The day after Christmas I got together with some old high school friends. I will start with Christmas Eve. It was a good day. We had Troy and Danielle over for breakfast, we let the kids open up one gift, and I received my gift from Kurt. Let me just say that Kurt usually sucks at buying gifts, if he even buys a gift. Not this year!!! I got diamond earrings, Baby!!!! I love them! Ok, enough celebrating. Anyhow, we went over to my father-in-laws house for appetizers. Apparently when they say appetizers they mean a meal. The food was good and the relatives were late and insensitive as usual. We are the only ones with children, atleast until August. Except for Troy and Danielle(I'm not just putting that in here because you read my blog Danielle), the rest of them are very insensitive to the fact that children have different needs than adults. We were supposed to start at around 7:00 pm and Kurt said we need to try to leave by 8:45 pm so that the kids get to bed at a decent time and get enough sleep so that they are not cranky beasts the next day. In typical fashion one of our relatives arrives an hour late and doesn't apologize or even try to offer a lame excuse(they told Kurt they were on their way at 7:00, while another relative confirmed they hadn't even left at 7:40). In fact one of these relatives said to me with a straight face, "Even though we'll be up late tonight. I'm sure everyone in my household will be up early tomorrow as well." I didn't pinch his head off, but I almost went after him verbally. The youngest person staying in that household was 25 years old. I would hope that when someone at the age of 25 years is cranky from lack of sleep thay can control themselves enough to not whine and cry about stupid stuff. You know kind of like my 5 year old acts when she hasn't gotten enough sleep. OK, enough venting of my frustrations. We opened gifts and Kurt's father and his wife spoiled my kids as usual. We had a good time even if we didn't leave until 9:30 pm.

Christmas Day was nice, except for the fact that Kurt was sick and he had to do sound at church that morning. The kids woke up fairly early around 6:30 and Konrad was in tears because his neck was bugging him. It was so bad that the rest of the day his neck was bent to the side and he couldn't move it. It put a bit of a damper on his Christmas, you could tell he was definetly in some pain. He was still able to enjoy his new Gameboy games though. Kirsten loved everything as is her nature, except the Sound of Music DVD. Konrad had gotten Charlie and the Chocolate Factory DVD so they both decided to trade each other and they were both happy with the trade. That afternoon, we went to my mother-in-laws for dinner and more gifts. We had a good time. Konrad received a pocket knife(which we OKed for a gift) and everytime we leave the house he asks if he can bring it. It is never far from his pocket. Kirsten received many artistic gifts and everytime she uses one she says, "Whoever got me this must have known I was an artist." And she is right. She also received a knitting machine and so far we have made two scarves, I say we because she can't do it by herself, yet. All in all, we had a pretty good Christmas, in spite of my attitude problem. I will blog more about the day after Christmas and other happenings this week tomorrow. What can I say it has been a busy week.

Christ-y Christmas

To quote Jim Carrey from the Conan O'Brien Show the other night-

"I hope you have a Christ-y, Christ-y, Christmas!"

I don't know if I will be able to post before Christmas, I hope you all have a Wonderful and relaxing Christmas.

Picture of the Lights

I took these pictures last night of the Christmas lights in the subdivision where we were caroling. I think these turned out pretty good and I had fun fooling around with my camera.

Finally, alone time

and I have to work and clean house! This is so my luck! My Mom and Keith took Kirsten home with them(up to Craig) for a few days. So that means that while Konrad is at school, I am all by myself. I can't remember the last time I didn't have someone wanting(more like demanding) my attention. The lack of interruption has been heavenly. I have actually completed a couple thoughts, although I still don't remember what they were. I am SO turning into my mother. Pretty soon I won't be able to remember where I parked or my children's names.

Anyhow it has been an eventful couple of days. My side of the family got together and celebrated Christmas, Konrad was baptised, Kurt baptised him, both kids were in a Christmas program at church, and we've attended two parties. We enjoyed ourselves at both parties, ate some good food, and tagged along for some caroling. I took pictures while the folks who can sing sounded beautiful(most graduated from college with vocal performance degrees).

The Christmas program was good. Kirsten had me laughing so hard that I was crying. The morning of the play she decided to wear her beek on her face instead of on her forehead as planned. It made the costume look better, except that when she went to say her line, she couldn't figure out where to put the microphone. She kept moving it around trying to figure out what to do, and the you heard her say,"uhh, uhh, my beek is in the way." So someone had to help her put the microphone in the beek. It looked like she ate half of it. She was supposed to say," I am just a little dove but I can plainly see a savior in a manger who will live eternally" and instead of saying eternally she said internally. It was so cute and I was so proud of her for how she handled herself. Those of you who know Kirsten, you know that when she gets flustered she tends to freak out and it isn't pretty. In fact it is pretty embarrasing for her mother.

I am including some pictures of Kirsten as a dove and the group of carolers.

High On Paint Fumes

So, it is 11:30 pm Friday night. I am waiting for paint to dry and my glue gun to warm up. I am working on Kirsten's dove costume for a Christmas play on Sunday and tomorrow is going to be busy so I need to get most of it done tonight. I just got done spray painting her beak and feet gold, like shiny gold glitter. I had to spray paint them in the kitchen, because we don't have a garage, it is to cold outside, and I don't want to wake Konrad up by going downstairs. Besides I don't think he should be smelling those fumes all night. So here I am getting high on paint fumes as I wait for it to dry.

She is going to be a dove that is all about the bling. We are using her angel dress-up dress that is white with gold glitter stars on it. To make it look right I am giving her a gold beak and feet. I hope it turns out OK. Wish me luck!

2 Times is Better Than One!

Konrad is planning on getting baptized on Sunday. I am way excited and proud, because he decided this on his own. Having said that, I was talking to him this morning about being baptized, why he wanted to do it, why it was important to him, and to make sure he understood the decision he was making.

"Why do you want to be baptized?"
"Because I want Jesus in me."
"Jesus in already in you"
"But I want him to be in my heart."
"You already asked Jesus to be in your heart. Do you remember when you prayed with me to make him the Lord and Savior of your life?"
"Yeah, but two times is better than one!"

Don't all of you legalist get to worrying your perfect little heads off. After further discussion, it became obvious he was confused as to the different terms between being saved and baptized(which is kinda hard for a 7 year old to distinguish between). He had just intertwined the two. He totally understood that he had already made the decision and prayed the prayer to make God the Lord and Savior of his life. He, also, understood the difference between that and of publicly showing his love and his desire to make God the Lord of his life; And the importance of doing so. After talking to him I am confident that he understands the decision he is making.

Anyhow, I just thought it was a cute quote. Keep in mind that this is the same kid who when asked the question "Hey, what's up?" answers "Good!" and he has been doing this for the last year.

Not Your Average Advent Calendar

We have this nice advent calendar hanging on our wall in the living room. It has 25 pockets, and we have 4 candy canes in each pocket and every day each one of us gets one candy cane. Up to day 14 is empty. Except for yesterday, I went into the living room and happened to glance at the calendar. Kirsten had put a lizard(from her lizard collection) into each of the empty pockets. All you could see was their heads and two front legs sticking out. It was pretty darn funny to look at and if you didn't know how we were doing the calendar you might have thought we took out a lizard every day. I just had to laugh and think, "What made her think that the lizards belonged in the pockets, or that the pockets needed a little something... hmmm... maybe my lizards."

Yes, my daughter has a stretchy lizard collection, doesn't yours? It started when she got a couple of those little stretchy lizards at Chuck E Cheese(satan's idea of a pizza joint, it probably is a lot of fun compared to hell). She then took a wire basket she had and put the lizards in their "cage". In their cage she put a little people bathtub, some plastic palm trees and a few rocks. One of the lizards got broken into half when she tried to put a polly pocket skirt on it. She was so upset over it, that Kurt went and bought her a bag of them for $.88. So now she has a bigger cage for all of her lizards that she keeps in her room. This is normal, right? OK, so maybe my daughter is a little bit weird. She gets that from Kurt, the stretchy lizard buyer.

Just when I think I'm Done

I was so proud of myself last night. I was all but done with my Christmas shopping and all but done with wrapping the gifts. Well, that fell apart at about 12:36 pm today. I had ordered a gift from ebay and they sent me the wrong thing. It was the right thing except that it was supposed to be new and was used. They gave me a refund which was great, except that now I have another gift to buy. I liked being done and now I'm not. I am bit pissed off and stressed about this. This gift was for my sister and my family is doing a gift exchange on Saturday. So I have 2 days to find the perfect gift. Sorry Brenda, better luck next year. Just Kidding.

Click N' Ship

Last night and today I have been getting most of my cards and packages into the mail. I was a little leary of using the postal service Click N' Ship, but it was awesome. You need a scale and mine only measures weight up to 5 lbs so I had to take one package to the post office. I had to go there anyway to mail something to my brother, because you have to fill out a customs form. I had to mail like 8 packages. I was able to pay for shipping and print most of the labels here at home. Then I taped the labels on, took them to a bulk mail place and dropped them off. I didn't have to wait in line and I could leave my daughter in the van. It was wonderful. I only have like 3 more to mail and I am going to try to keep them under 5 lbs. I love it when businesses figure out ways to make my life easier. To quote Alex "It's the bomb!"

Another Random Thought

This thought came to me while giving Kirsten a bath today.

"I love having a daughter with red hair. Now when there is red hair clogging the drain, on the soap, in the brush or comb, or in food; it doesn't neccesarily mean that it belongs to me. Whenever someone accuses my hair of being somewhere it shouldn't be, I can blame my daughter. When she starts shaving my plan will be complete."

"No Kurt, I didn't use your razor(you can insert many things here. For example soap, brush, Doritos, CD). I don't know who did. Maybe you should ask your daughter, you know I'm not the only one around here with red hair."(wink,wink)

Yeah, that's a good plan. Hopefully it will work.

See If I Share My Random Thoughts Again!!!

No, I haven't been to a lot of funerals, only a handful. I guess I'm just a sensitive gal, or more likely a weird gal with strange thoughts. After this, I'm am not using this new found talent on my blog anymore. However, I will answer the few people who have requested the use of my talent. Because I don't want you to think I made all this up, but if you piss me off I will be forced to chose "Ding, Dong The Witch is dead" and that wouldn't be appropriate. Keep in mind this is off the cuff. I have put zero effort into this.

DISCLAIMER: Due to the extreme sensitivity of this subject. I must bring to the peoples attention that we might not neccesarily agree with my choices. However, these choices aren't meant to offend or hurt anyones feelings. I can't beleive I'm doing this.

Becci- First off the easy choice is "Wish you were here" by Pink Floyd, "I am Free" by Five Face Down and depending on the cicumstances, I think Kurt Cobain has a good song that he sang on MTV Unplugged but I could be wrong about that.

Prudence-First off the easy choice is "I am Free" by Five Face Down(DUH), and that new song out by Natalie Grant, "Held", and I'm sure if I was forced to I could put a bit more effort into it and come up with a couple more.

Morbid Thoughts

It happened again this morning while I was listening to the radio. I heard a song, and about halfway through, I thought this would be a good song selection for ____'s funeral. Don't worry Mom, it wasn't you. I already have a couple picked out for yours. I don't know why I think these weird and morbid thoughts. They usually concern someone I care about a lot(bolded for Mom's benefit) and I would be very sad if I was ever in this situation. That being said, I've decided that I would be very good at picking out unique music to play at somebody's funeral. I told you it was morbid. I would, however, have to know them and this would call for some advance notice. Hey, I'm not psychic and the plan isn't perfect. So, unless there is a market I am not aware of, I'm afraid my newly discovered talent will have to go unused.

Now, I am aware that this is a weird thought, but if you all are honest with yourselves I'm sure you have equally strange thoughts. Maybe not as morbid though.

Do You Understand What I am Saying?

Yesterday, we finally got the tree up and decorated. Last year after Christmas I bought a new tree it is pre-lit and I LOVE IT. I was so excited as I got it out of the box. I knew I had already avoided one arguement. Well, there were more to follow and I am including my children in this as well. They couldn't listen to instructions if their life depended on it, and towards the end of the evening their lives almost did depend on it. The following was one of many one sided conversations we had.

"Now, this year we are going to make sure that we don't lose any pieces to our nativity."(it's a Playmobil Nativity-way cool. Would be even cooler if one of the wise men didn't have a hole in its head because we lost his hair.)

"Do you guys understand what I'm saying?" Wait for affirmation

"Ok, that means that this nativity stays on the coffee table. You do not move any of the pieces away from the coffee table. We are going to treat this nativity with respect. OK."

"Do you guys understand what I'm saying?" Wait for affirmation

"Good."

Not even an hour later, after refereeing a few arguments over the nativity, Kirsten has the angel flying around the living room, like a bird, and then leaves it on the couch. While Konrad has one of the wise men using his super powers against one of the other wise men. The wise man on the receiving end of the unknown super power is sent flying against the wall and onto the floor. Correct me if I'm wrong, but niether of these happens in the Bible, especially around Christ's birth. So the conversation continues...

"Did I not ask you to keep the nativity pieces on the table?"

Wait for affirmation

"If you guys do not respect the nativity I will take it away from you! Do you understand?"

Wait for affirmation

Immediatly after this conversation, it occurs to me that I just threatened to take Jesus away from them, even if only figuratively.

Played or Not, I Got Sick!

I got sick and so did Kirsten. Friday morning started with a mondo headache and shortly after I was praying to the Porcelian God. So I spend the morning spewing, sleeping, and answering Kirsten's 1 million questions(that is what it felt like). By noon I was feeling better and was getting myself some crackers to snack on. Why is it that since I've had children I only have goldfish crackers in the house? About that time, I hear from the livingroom, the sound of a geyser erupting. So I grab a bowl and run towards the noise. It was Kirsten and she was spewing as well, except she just laid there the whole time and spewed all over herself. It was gross and I think she her spew was getting 6-12 inches of air. So after giving her a bath and cleaning up the spew while gagging. I used towels like drop cloths so that if the spew geyser should erupt again it wouldn't get on the furniture or carpet. Needless to say she spewed a few more times. By the end of the day I had given her 2 more showers, Thrown her blanket and Piles into the washing machine twice, spot cleaned a few stuffed giraffes(she loves giraffes), and watched her giraffe documentary and Madagscar probably 5-6 times (I couldn't have planned the rental of that movie any better).

For those of you who don't know who Piles is. He is Super Piles her precious bear that wears a cape. He isn't in the best shape and every time we have to put him in the washer we get a bit nervous that he isn't going to make the journey. She developed a major liking to him after I had to take away her pacifier, when she was 6 months old. We were worried it might be contributing to why she wasn't gaining any weight. She instantly loved him and you could tell because she would suck on his nose for comfort. As my Grandma pointed out, "It is shaped like a breast." I would like to think that mine are at least a bit bigger than his nose, oh well. Eventually she went from sucking his nose to just rubbing it for comfort. As she says, "he has a tickle nose". In the last couple of years we haven't let her take it out of the house, but he is still in pretty bad shape. Below is a picture of Piles and his giraffe friends. Everyone is clean and feeling better now.


Pictured from left to right: Melman, Spot, Piles, Starlight, Lem, Analise, and Barbie. Piles is the only boy in this picture. And I'm supposed to tell you that Tinker(a stuffed Koala, Not Shown) is Piles Mom and Piles is a koala.

Mean, Being Played, or Brilliant?

So yesterday I pick the Konman up from school and he is kinda grabbing his belly. He says he doesn't feel well. So, naturally, I ask him what he ate for lunch "Just a cinnamon roll because they didn't have the kind of bean burrito I wanted." Being the indecisive mother I am, I can't decide if he is hungry (because he normally eats a ton) or sick. So I decide the best way to find out is to feed him something. At 6:30 last night he threw up. Then I can't decide if something he ate didn't sit well or if he has this awful flu thing that is going around. About that time the pizza arrives and he says he wants some so I tell him he can have 1 piece and some applesauce. Isn't pizza on the B.R.A.T. diet? After one piece the poor kid is starving so I let him have another piece. At bedtime his stomach starts to hurt again. I sent him to bed with a pitcher and he made it through the night. I fed him oatmeal for breakfast a bit earlier than normal, hoping to see how he reacted to it before I sent him to school. Everything seemed fine until right before we leave for school. Then the following conversation takes place.

"My stomach hurts."
"Like it was last night?"
"Yeah."
"Do you think you are going to throw up?"
"Yeah."
"Well, I can't send you to school if your sick."
"Oh, I was just kidding?"

After a few tears about not getting the perfect attendence award and "I said I was just kidding"
I told him I didn't know what to believe and I can't take a chance sending him to school. Then he was like OK and he's been playing just fine all morning. So I sent him downstairs to clean his room. I'm starting to feel like I've been played, by a 1st grader. I'd like to think I'm smarter than this. I mean if he can fool me now there is no hope of winning in the future. I can't decide if I'm mean for making him stay home and clean his room on a "sick" day, or if I've been played(by a 1st grader), or maybe I'm brilliant for figuring out I got played(if I did) and making him have no fun by cleaning his room. All in all, I think I'm putting way to much thought into this chess match and I need to save as much mental capacity as I can for the next one.