If My Husband Wrote Love Songs....

they would be like this. I stole this from The Bees Knees (http://gingerbeethebusybee.blogspot.com/). In fact, she dedicated it to me. Well, kinda, she dedicated it to all video game widows. Enjoy!

Tripod

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Times Infinity and Beyond

On the way home last night, after putting it off all day, I had to decide what to do for dinner. So I decided to pick up a couple pizzas from a take and bake pizza place. I love these pizzas, except for the fact that you can only cook one at a time. This is a problem because Konman and Kurt like the ham and pineapple pizza and the Kirstenator and I like pepperoni(even though she picks off the pepperoni and she refuses to eat cheese pizza.) So in order to decide which pizza to cook first we had to figure out who was the most hungry. Only Konman and I were in the van, so it was up to us to decide.

Konman "I am hungry the size of an elephant"
Me "Well, I am hungry the size of a dumptruck"(I figured I could afford to play with him a bit. Winning this would be like a walk in the park.)
K-"I am hungry the size of an elephant times infinity"
M-"I am hungry the size of a dumptruck times infinity"(Oh Yeah, My pizza is going in the oven first.)
K-"Well, I am hungry the size of God times infinity, cause God is bigger than everything!"

Let's just say that I exercised great patience while waiting for my pizza to come out of the oven, while Kurt and Konrad were eating their pizza, and I was super hungry! But do not fear I will be ready for him next time and I will come out victorious!

Also, whenever Konman plays this game with the Kirstenator it is hillarious. She doesn't quite understand how it works or the correct word to use, but she wants to get the jump on him so she will say, "Oh yeah, well, I like it to levidity." I guess this means she likes it to death? I don't know. I do know that she is supposed to be in bed and asleep when I am watching CSI.

??? Changed Man ???

For those of you who don't know, my parents are divorced, just like most of yours. It was a bitter and messy divorce, from which I have gained many stories. So, here is the cliff note version of another story I get to add to my collection. Here is what happened to me this weekend...

After having a very frustrating conversation on the phone with my biological father, who from this point forward I will call Rick. My husband *69's him, to ask him to leave me alone. He got stuck on the phone with Rick. After talking in circles for awhile, (once Rick gets cornered he changes the subject, after continually getting cornered he starts back with the first subject.) my husband was able to gain some information about Rick, from Rick's perspective. He doesn't have a drinking problem, though, he will daily have a glass of wine with his meals (one has to wonder how many meals he has a day); and his doctors say it is OK to drink some alcohol while on his prescription medications. It(the divorce) all happened because he was a work-a-holic and, because of that, he was doing maneuvers for the government, during the weekends, for free. That's straight from the horse's mouth(ass). But don't worry, even thought he was drunk a lot back then, he assured my husband that he wasn't packing heat(carrying a gun) on those maneuvers. Oh, and he did admit to having sex with another woman while still married to and living with my Mom, but he did not have an affair. So I think I can gather a couple things from this conversation:

1. He is "certifiably" mental and should be in the looney bin.
2. Consistent drinking in abundance for years is good for your mind and body.
3. Alcohol and prescription medication is always a good mix.
4. He is getting ready to make a run for a political office.

I'm thinking it could be #4. I'm telling you all the ingredients are there.

Are You What Your T-shirt Says You Are?

Well, I am! And I think we all should be, or why else would you wear it. One of my favorite shirts says soccer mom and my most recent one says carrot top. You will never see me wearing a shirt that says "princess" (this is a term I find derogitory) or "hooker"! So why would I buy one for my children? I am not going to buy my 5 year-old daughter a shirt that says "angel" or "princess", both of these would be lies(especially "angel") and things I don't want her to become. However, I love her shirts that say "boys are icky" and "love=like+like". On the same account, while shopping in Ross today there was a shirt in my 7 year-old boys size that said "PIMP". Now, imagine that you are in this marketing meeting and someone throws out the idea that putting this word on a t-shirt is a great idea and that parents would love to buy this item for their children to wear around in public. I'm guessing at this meeting, there was some smoking, snorting, and excessive drinking of items not found at Wal-Mart, in order for this idea to make it through to production. Who in their right mind would by a t-shirt for a 7 year-old (that they like and whose family they like and would like to be friends with) this t-shirt? Kon-man does have a t-shirt, that I love, that says "I do all my own stunts" and this is a very true statement. That being said, just because the saying is true doesn't mean one should wear it on their shirt or else I would be walking around with a shirt that says "Overweight mom - drinks to much coffee, is short on patience, and thanks to having kids has trouble holding her bladder" Now, there is a t-shirt that could make some money! Warning: you must be high and/or drunk to see the potential of this t-shirt.

Craazy! Crraaazzzy! I tell you!

It has been a crazy couple of weeks and I can't tell you why. I can tell you I have been busy, but I don't know what I've been doing. Well, that's not totally true. I can tell you in general terms what I have been up to, just not the specifics. So here they are...

• I visited my grandparents for a couple of days. I had a great visit, but it was sad to see how much they have aged and how much they were concered about accomplishing normal everyday activities because of how they felt. My Grandad was concerned about how he would do on a 1/2 mile hike. This wouldn't be a big thing except for the fact that a few years ago he could beat me at a 50 yard dash-forward and backwards(I'm kind of embarassed to admit it. I was even trying to win.)
• Prior to my visit with my grandparents was Spring Break, a.k.a. referee training, the kids were full of energy and the weather was awful so they couldn't play outside. I would be an awful homeschooling parent.
• The week after our spring break was my Mom's spring break. So she came to visit for a few days.
• While at my grandparent's house, my grandma taught me how to knit. I'm just learning and I'm slow as Molasses. I did start on a scarf. It took me a 1/2 hour to do 5 rows using super thick yarn and the scarf isn't that wide. It's sad, but this is something I want to learn, partly, so that I can say that my Grandmother taught me. I think that is a cool legacy for her. I hope I can do her proud, but if I don't get much better I might have to quit claiming it. For her sake if nothing else. This lady can knit and quilt like no other. She knits sweaters for children in russia. She's awesome.
• I've been taking Konrad out and throwing the ball with him. Baseball will start soon, so we have been practicing at home. This has been a huge test of my patience. I don't get to throw hard, he doesn't throw very hard or accurate, and he moves out of the way of the ball so half the time he misses. When I get really frustrated I have to resist the urge to nail him with the ball just to prove to him that it doesn't hurt that bad and you live. Yesterday, the ball bounced out of his mitt and hit his head. You would have thought he was dying the way he cried, but alas after further inspection there wasn't even a bump. I mean I don't even throw it hard enough to hurt a mosquito.

Well, there you have it a recap of the last two weeks. Sorry, it's not that exciting.

On The Road, Again!!!

It's spring break and I'm hitting the road, again. I'm heading over to eastern Colorado, to visit my Grandparents. At my sister's wedding, Grandma told me that they are thinking of selling the ranch and moving. My grandparents have lived in their current house since my mom was 6, which is more than 45 years(give or take a few years to protect my mom's age). Boy! am I a nice daughter, or what? Trust me, I'm darn nice. Every time I go, the kids and I have a lot of fun. The kids can run around all over the place and get all their energy out. They can be as loud as they want to be and nothing will be bothered by them, except the cows, birds, wild rabbits, antelope, and the coyotes in the distance. It is great! Also, they are calving so we should get to see a few brand new baby calfs. Veal is always so cute! Just kidding! **Warning tangent ahead** I only ate veal once and I didn't know what it was. Until I found out what I had eaten, I was thinking,"Man, this tastes really good. I wonder what it is?(because nobody at my table knew.)" I almost threw up when I found out. I kept picturing a baby calf. So, I also felt guilty for enjoying it. On a tangent side note, I was watching King Of The Hill the other night, the family was visiting a ranch and eating steak for dinner and Bobby asked,"I wonder if cows know how good they taste?" I love that show. Kurt and I kind of resemble Hank and Peggy Hill, except Kurt does not have a narrow urethra. We aren't even going to touch Kurt's buddies or his father(let's just say some of the similarities are eerie), but until a couple of weeks ago we had some asian neighbors. That's right we are a couple of rednecks. In fact, my family tends to name their vehicles and I have often thought of naming my minivan Peggy and Kurt's truck Hank. What do you think? ** End of tangent** OK, Ok, OK, I'm getting back on track, thanks for sticking with me. Anyhow, I am really looking forward to this trip and I am hoping to get some good pictures to help me remember my grandparents place. I have a lot of good memories there. When I was a child, once I turned 4, I would visit for a couple of weeks by myself every year. I loved those times and, as an adult, I have tried to visit every year. I am, also, looking forward to visiting with my Grandparents and to have them to myself for a couple of days. I'll let you know all about my trip when I get back. I'm praying for a safe trip with roads that are clear, snow free, and ice free.

What About A Bob???

We cut Kirsten's hair and in her words,... "Who cares? Anyways... I like it because I don't have bangs anymore(When we sweep them to the side) and it is sooo moveable when I move my head.

And in my words, it looks a lot healthier and cuter. It is actually pretty easy to do, which was a great fear of mine. Best of all, she likes it and can't quit moving her head back and forth to feel her hair move. If any of you should she her, please, don't mention that she has bangs. They are finally looking good for the first time since she cut them to her scalp a year ago. She thinks that when we sweep her bangs to the side that she doesn't have bangs. She has seen herself and still thinks this. Honestly, I don't care what she thinks as long as she leaves her bangs alone.

I think we are going to try to grow her bangs out. I know, Mom, you think she looks so much cuter with bangs. Part of me agrees, however, seeing has she has spent a fair amount of time this year trying to either trim them herself or cut them completly off. And she keeps finding the scissors no matter how well I hide them. I think she gets to decide and she has stated that she doesn't want bangs anymore. So....in my Mom's words, "End of Discussion!"

I Fell Into Sin....

I overheard my daughter singing the following song to the tune of "A Spoon Full of Sugar" from the Mary Poppins soundtrack.

I fell into sin,
I fell into sin,
I fell into sin,
In the most delightful ways.

Isn't that how it usually happens?
Such wisdom from 5 year old.

It Went Off With A Hitch!!!

The wedding went off beautifully. Except for the guy who entered the sanctuary via a side door on the stage during the wedding. He had to have known there was a wedding going on. We had been setting up most of the day Thursday, all day Friday, and all day Saturday before the big event. That, and he probably had to park a mile away just to get to the building. Atleast he was quiet, quickly shut the door, and got out of there. Since nothing ever goes as expected here are a few other things that threw us for a loop, but it all worked out in the end. Most of these things were either corrected or not even noticable to most people. The tuxedos didn't come in an had to be overnighted to get there in time, my sisters dress lining never got sewn, it was still pinned in place, we got the linens a day late(but you can't really complain about it, when your brother-in-law gets you a screaming deal), and they sent us brand new chair covers that were still in the packaging and wrinkled. The company that handled the chair covers gave us(and by us, I mean Brenda) a discount on the price. The most ironic thing was the bridal shop, where she bought her dress and rented the tux's from, did exactly what she had warned other brides to be weary of in that shop. My sister used to work for another bridal shop in town, and if they would have had the dress she wanted she would have went through them.

That being said, it was a beautiful wedding and most people didn't have a clue any of this had happened. Brenda looked breathtakingly wonderful throughout the evening and her dress was gorgeous and not just anybody could have pulled that dress off. The flowers were awesome and look amazing. The food was delicious and according to the men, having wait staff walking around and serving appetizers to you made the wedding, that and the open bar. Isn't that like every man's dream come true, being served food wherever they happen to be. Well, I've used up all my adjectives for the day. I'll try to post some pictures tomorrow.

Sorry, Sorry, Sorry

I am sorry I haven't posted in a while. I haven't forgotten about my bloglife.

It's just that, you see, my sister is getting married this weekend and I have been busy with stuff relating to this. Mostly cleaning my house and preparing for visitors(mental and physical stuff). Some of this stuff I had put off for way to long. Oh! And everyone from my Dad's side of the family(except for my Dad, because he wasn't invited) is coming to the wedding. This weekend should be quite the ride. Hopefully, I can hold on tight, keep my emotions in check, my mouth shut and enjoy the ride.

Sling Shot

The following happened with an 8 year old at work today-

After he was overheard telling another child that he could see her underwear and I shook my head at him, to let him know that he shouldn't be saying this. He says to me, rather loudly, from across the room, "What? At home when my mom bends over and we see her underwear, we tell her that we can see her sling shot!"

I'm guessing she doesn't wear briefs.

Interesting Facts I Learned Today

My bible study group finished our last study and we decided to do a study on Jonah. I never knew what an awful place Ninevah was. If God told me to go to Ninevah, I think, I would have headed somewhere else just like Jonah. I would like to say that I would do whatever God told me to do and go wherever God told me to go, but I am not so sure that I would. I struggle to do the small things God asks me to do and they are a cake walk compared to what he asked of Jonah. I might be the only one who didn't already know these things. Either way, I hope you find these interesting.

Here are a few facts about Ninevah(from around the time God told Jonah to visit):

1. They were pagan people that hated Jews.(Jonah was a Jew)
2. They would go to Jewish settlements and kill everybody and make a pyramid out of the heads they had collected.
3. They were like our modern day version of a War Lord.
4. They would take people out to the desert, bury them up to their chin, pull out their tongue, put a stake in it and leave them to die.
5. It was about 200 miles away from where Baghdad is today.(I guess things haven't changed much through out the years.)

"I'm Feelin' Hella Good, So I Just Keep On ........

Farting, I'm feelin' hella good, so I just keep on farting." Yes, this is my son's new version to the No Doubt song Hella Good. It normally goes "I'm feelin' hella good, so I just keep on dancing." Apparently his version is best sung while wagging your butt from side to side. I'm unsure who to thank for the creativity being shown by my son. I do believe that Grandpa, Uncle Troy, and Dad are at the top of the list and probably grinning from ear to ear with pride as they read this. I, however, think it is kind of funny, but am upset that he picked a No doubt song to desecrate because this is my favorite band. And, of course, he picked the song that says "hella" in it. That way I get to document in my blog that my music that was listened to, with my son in the van is what caused him to cuss for the first time. Of course, he has no clue what he is saying and at the time was trying to irritate his sister. I guess my play list just got cut! That sucks! I love that CD and I'm tired of listening to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, among others.

Konrad, also, told me on Saturday that he knows what ta-tas, tees, and breasts are. I was ready to rip into Kurt, since he had been hanging around with him all day.
So, I asked "Oh, you do?"
and he says, while clapping, "Yeah, ta-ta, ta-ta, tee and rest."(sounds like breast)
Then I figured out what my sister-in-law the music teacher, probably, figured out right away. These are beats that he is learning in music class and he claps twice for ta-ta, once for tee, and does nothing during the rest. Boy, was I relieved.

I think we just lost our bid for Parents of the Year. I guess we had it coming! Atleast, we didn't let him play in the middle of the street with a sharp knife. We should get points fo that.

A Shower Success Story

This weekend I threw a bridal shower for my sister. It went incredibly well and, I think, everyone had a good time. If they didn't then they are a bunch of good actors and liars. I am way excited about this because I did something different for her shower. Atleast, I've never heard of it being done. Instead of playing the usual assortment of games that you play at every shower, we beaded. Of course, I liked the idea and thought it sounded like fun. I was a bit nervous that no one would enjoy it or they would be intimidated by it. I put an assortment of glass beads all over the table in containers and gave everyone 4 loops of memory wire with one end turned and let everyone get to work. Everyone's bracelet looked different and except for one(the two flowergirl's looked better than hers) they all turned out cute and definitly wearable. I, also, brought stuff to make earrings and the people who got done before some of the others were able to make matching earrings. We then did cake and gifts and the shower was over in about 1 1/2 hours. I thought the timing was perfect. I just love it when everything works out the way you envision it. Thanks God! It worked out so well that I volunteered to do a baby shower for my pregnant sister-in-law who enjoys beading and got me started. Oh! and by the way, I also volunteered that my other sister-in-law would help me with the shower. She reads this and is now aware that she has been volunteered. Don't worry I left room for you to bow out gracefully if you need to. That's what you get for calling me a hippie, even if I secretly embrace this title. LOL!

Here's a picture of my bracelet-

Best Brother is Home

Yep, that is right. He arrived home last night. We are all glad to hear he is home, especially his wife. When he got off of the plane in Maine(I think? before flying to California) there was a group of Veteran's there to cheer for them and welcome them home. He thought this was pretty cool.

I was, also, informed recently by Kirsten that Piles is a very special bear and he has two birthdays. To bad he ended up in our family because we only celebrate one birthday per person per year. This is strict family policy. Good try on her part, though!

Piles Birthday Party

While doing some shopping for my sister's bridal shower that I'm helping to throw this weekend. Kirsten informs me that today is Piles birthday. For those of you who don't know, Piles is her favorite and very special stuffed animal and unless she can find a replacement for his tickle nose she has trouble falling to sleep or calming down. Piles has been a part of our family for more than 6 years and he also has the distinction of being Kirsten's only male stuffed animal. Now, Piles has never had a birthday before and I didn't know that koala bears (that look like a regular bears that resemble what James Frey(author of A Million Little Pieces) claims he looked like when he arrived at the clinic) even had birthday's.

Needless to say, that when I found out that it was Piles birthday I was a bit suprised and the following conversation took place.

"Oh, I didn't know it was Piles birthday."
"Well, it is. What is today?"
"Thursday"
"No, I mean what is the day, day?"
"It is the 9th?"
"Yeah, that's right his birthday is on today the ninth and he needs a party! And I will invite all my friends and Piles would like that. Piles would like that(pointing at something) for his birthday and he would like that, and......I tune out....... yada yada yada................ yada yada yada....... yada yada yada...........he's five just like me."

I must of had a weak moment. I think part of it was realizing that she's going to school next year and I'm not sure how much longer she will have this wonderful imagination. So, I gave in and let her pick out a gift from the $1.00 section to give Piles. I, also, let her pick out some cupcakes with Carebear rings on them. I did draw the line at inviting friends, but by the time we left the store she had worked in a package of balloons and Madagascar napkins. And it was all worth it!!

When we got home, she immediatly started drawing and coloring a picture to wrap his gift in and she wrapped his gift herself. Piles ate dinner with us, balloons were blown up in his honor, we ate cupcakes on the Madagascar napkins, and Kirsten helped Piles open his gift. She held his paw in her hand while she used the same hand to unwrap the gift. Yes, it was a good party and everyone except Konrad enjoyed themselves. Konrad proclaimed it the most boring birthday party ever. Even if Konrad didn't have a good time, I know Kurt and I will cherish this memory.

And in truly cheesy fashion-

Present for Piles $1.00
Carebear Cupcakes $2.50
Package of Ballons $ .95
Napkins $1.25
Being invited to my daughters stuffed koala's 5th birthday party $Priceless$

YAY!!! Best Brother Made My Day!!!

I was checking the comments on my last two posts and I had comments from someone new. At first, I was a bit curious about who this wierdo was that was reading my blog. Imagine my suprise and excitement when I found out that I know the weirdo. It was my brother who has been in Iraq for the last 6 months. Hopefully, I will get to talk to him over the phone when he is home safe and states-side in the next week. I enjoyed hearing from him in my comments section. Just for the record, he is my best brother. Of course, the odds are in his favor as he is my only brother.

Hey B, thanks for taking the time to comment. I know you don't always have a lot of time, and you made my day. That and the fact that you pointed out that I look better in make-up and younger than Carrot Top. Also, A BIG THANKS for not using you usual screen name of "scalded nut" I am sure nobody had taken that one, yet. he..he..he..LOL - I Am looking to hearing form you soon. Love ya!

Grand Prix Results

The Saturday before we left on our trip, we had the Grand Prix. Yes, I did get the cars done and they turned out pretty good. Atleast, I thought so. Neither one of them was fast enough to win the race(Kurt was in charge of the wheels and weights-That's what makes the car fast. So we'll blame it on him) I was in charge of design. And Drumroll, Please..... Konrad's won 1st place for design. He told me what he wanted, I helped him draw it out, he sanded it and primed it, and I helped him paint it. I don't think it hurt him any that some of his highschool buddies(like the scoob and Lyle) were the judges. Kirsten didn't win anything. I think this is partly because the powers that be thought I did everything on her car(mainly adults whose children don't have the imagination or ideas that Kirsten does, and therefore they don't understand how involved she truly was). I did most of the work on her car, as did the other parents of 5 year olds. But she decided what she wanted it to look like, what color, and where to glue the rhinestones. She also helped with the sanding and supervised the painting. As she was telling me for the 10th time in a very assertive manner that she wanted her car color to be violet. It occured to me that there is only one letter difference between violet and violent and I was starting to do deep breathing exercises so as not to add the "n" to the equation. Anyhow, there were a few tears shed because she didn't win a trophy. and the following conversation took place between Grandma and Kirsten.

G-"So how was the Grand Prix?"

K-"Not good, I didn't even win a trophy."(this was said in a very whiny voice.)
G-"Have you ever noticed that whenever we play Sorry or another game that there can only be one winner?"
K-"So, do you want to talk to Konrad?"

I guess she didn't want to talk about it. Konrad's car is a tank/hummer, it is his version of what Uncle Brad drives in Iraq. Kirsten's car is a giraffey violet colored car being driven by a giraffe queen. Kirsten has dressed her giraffe queen in a polka dot crown, violet and pearl necklace, along with a matching cape. I don't know, but it makes sense to her.

I've Returned From the Great Beyond

Kurt and I got back in town on Tuesday night. We had a great time and it was very relaxing. We enjoyed our adventure while throwing our money away at the penny slots and bingo. While in Vegas, we received coupons to see the Tournament of Kings(at Excalibur) at no charge. It's this jousting and sword fighting play and it was OK, but not worth the $55.00 dollars per person they charge. When we drove into Vegas we noticed Carrot Top was performing and we were able to get tickets at $40.00 per person, the show was 10X better than the Tournament of Kings and we didn't have to sit next to a gay couple. I had Kurt sit next to them because there was a women next to the other empty seat. They were nice guys and joked with them a little bit and I didn't realize they were gay until we were walking out of the show. Kurt said he figured it out pretty quick, He had his Gadar(gay radar) on. Whatever that means. Anyhow, Carrot Top was hillarious and we (especially Kurt) laughed the entire time. I bought a Carrot Top t-shirt and then Kurt and I had a discussion that I would like your input on. Here are the arguments and a picture of the graphic on the t-shirt.

Becky's Argument-
I like the t-shirt, mostly because I am a carrot top, myself. I have been called this name since at least 2nd grade, way before I had ever heard of the comedian Carrot Top. Shoot, he was probably still in middle school. I thought it was a pretty cool t-shirt for a red head to wear.

Kurt's Argument-
You know you can't wear that t-shirt to certain places and events, because everybody knows he does vulgar jokes.

So here is my question, if you see a red head wearing a Carrot Top t-shirt do you think of the comedian or the red head? Please let me know what you think!

My Wheels Are Spinning And I'm Not Moving

Sorry, I haven't posted in awhile. I am fighting sickness, finishing grand prix cars, sending out bridal shower invitations, getting an oil change, cleaning out the van, and attempting to finish my current real estate course. Of course I'm supposed to get all of this done today, because tomorrow morning is the grand prix and early Sunday morning Kurt and I are getting out of town for a few days to celebrate our anniversary.

I am so excited to be getting out of town for a couple days. It's hard to believe, but we've been married for 12 years. WOW!